History Lesson

Last Thursday, during class, my cell phone rang, indicating the arrival of a text message. Bernadette likes to do this because, should I have forgotten to turn it off (thus violating my own classroom protocol), she knows it is a source of embarrassment. On the couple of occasions it has happened, students of course take great pleasure in pointing out my inability to abide by my own syllabus, which states that "should the phone or beeper go off more than one time during the course of the semester, you will be counted absent, thereby allowing you to experience the metaphysical marvel of being here, and yet not being here, at the same time. It's sort of a companion experience to bilocation, which allows you to be in two places at once, except in this case you're not anywhere at all."

"Oops! Looks like teacher's absent," they like to say. "Let's go home!"

To which my lame response is always to remind them, in case I hadn't mentioned it before, that this is a dictatorship, not a democracy, the duty of that former thing's officialdom being to lay down the rules, and of the latter to follow them. They nod wisely, knowing when they've got me.

An hour and a half later, between classes, I read the message.

Bern: What is hezbollah?

Me: U kill me. Terrorist org in Lebanon controlled by Iran. Wants to exterminate Jews and others.

Bern: Thank u! U just proved me right. No one believed me!

Me: Who's no one?

Bern: P. and all the other guys. the girls believed me.

Me: Are u hanging out with ill-informed guys?

Bern: Yep. One thought it was the capital of beirut.

Me: Omigod. Beirut's not even a country. Find new friends.

Bern: LOL

Me: Wait. You said P. was among them? [P's her boyfriend]

Bern: Yep.

Me: Omigod. Find...I need time to think.

I think a while.

Me: Is P in the car with you?

Bern: Yep. Why?

Me: When you come home for Thanksgiving, we need to talk.

Bern: LOL

She thinks I'm kidding.

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Speaking of Thanksgiving, a happy one to any who visit here. Not likely I'll be back till afterwards, what with both girls coming in and much baking to be done. From Ebe via text message:

I'm missing home...took a nap this afternoon & was thinking about u so i'm having trouble going to sleep. Don't stay up too late...

Me: Oh, I've got something for you. 2 novellas by a friend from the writing days. Really great stuff. I'll make copies so you can take them back with u. Now say a prayer and go to sleep...

Ebe: O cool, I look forward to reading and discussing them. I like the word 'novella'. Hail Mary full of...zzzzzz