Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Behaving badly - advice from the young

In her first paper, entitled "How to Behave on a First Date", a young woman instructs the male of the species (and God knows we need instruction):

One of the biggest and most important parts of the night is that you PAY! [some things never change - ed.] Don't make her feel uncomfortable about money; she doesn't want to hear about your money problems and how you had to pawn your favorite video game to be able to afford to take her out. Actually, don't even mention that you play video games. She has to think of you as a man and not a 13 year old boy whose balls haven't even dropped yet.

Regarding appropriate topics of conversation, it turns out that sex is an acceptable one:

You might be surprised by that but it really is easy to talk about; just be prepared for the question, "How many girls have you slept with?" You can answer this question however you see fit, but from personal preference I would rather an experienced man. That does not mean I want to hear about your sexual conquests...

Just like a woman, isn't it? She wants to talk about it but doesn't really want to hear it. A little further on:

...seriously, look at me, which does not mean my tits. Look at my eyes. Look at my tits when I'm not looking right at you because believe it or not, men, we can see when you look at our boobs and not our eyes. Come on! Look interested in what I have to say even if you're not...

Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, another one takes up a similar theme: "How to have a successful first date with a lesbian". Written by a girl for girls, in case that wasn't clear. I'm saving most of it for tomorrow because I'm a little worn out, but I scanned one paragraph and came across this:

I went to dinner with this beautiful girl I had met at a club one night, and the waitress was a stunning brunette with blue eyes. Unfortunately, my date thought she was so pretty that she was making advances right there at the table. Not only was it embarrassing, but I was utterly mortified that she paid more attention to her and wouldn't stop talking about her for the rest of the night.

Yes, it's an awful thing about life, that tragedy seems to lurk behind every bat of the eyelash.

People have no idea what my life is really like.

8 comments:

alaiyo said...

One does, to a certain extent, get what one asks for . . . :-) Which is why certain topics are absolutely forbidden in my classes. In this conservative Christian environment, I don't have to be concerned with lesbian date essays, but I never allow anyone to write any version whatsoever of "How I Got Saved" . . . or "What Love Is" . . .

Just finished freshman conferences; essay topic was "persuade your peers at this Christian college to pursue an ideal [such as purity, service, integrity]." All the right sentiments, but oh, my, if this is the generation that's going to rule the world someday -- sometimes I think the lesbian date folk may be better at it than the Christians who can't clearly articulate a simple *pragmatic* argument for not cheating on tests, much less a slightly more complex *moral* one . . . They can't even proof-text their ideas from Scripture in any remotely convincing fashion!

Have you noticed an increase in your students going to quotation sites, finding some random quotation that contains a key word of the assignment, and using it to "support" their assertions? One more item to go on the "don't do this" lists!

Beth

alaiyo said...

P.S. If they can't write clearly and persuasively to people who share their Christian perspective, how will they *ever* do so to the secular world? I dread the next assignment, which asks them to do just that . . .

zippy said...

Their moms must be so proud of the fine young ladies they have raised.

I have no idea how you do it, Bill. Lord of the flies, chick style, and without all the trouble of becoming stranded on an actual island. It is all an island now.

Lydia McGrew said...

Good Lord. How do you _not_ lose your marbles, Bill?

Ellyn said...

Oh, the humanity!

(Of course, you're ready should a replacement for Helen Gurley Brown be needed...)

William Luse said...

Good Lord. How do you _not_ lose your marbles

These are not things you lose all at once. You drop them a few at a time. I thought I heard something rattling around up there the other day, so I asked my wife to check, and she heard it too, but said there was also an echo that hadn't been there before.

Roach said...

As for her advice, I simply don't believe it. Women want from a man the following: a man. That is, someone confident, sure of himself, valuable to others and valuing himself, someone with a bit of danger and adventure, and also someone who has a sense of honor. Everything else is window-dressing.

You don't ask the fish why it bit the worm. You ask the fisherman who catches a lot of fish.

William Luse said...

I don't like anonymous comments.